My first clown day happened to fall on the very first morning we woke up on ward 3b. Still brand new, raw and scared and in shock. It is not at all a pleasant memory. I remember it clearly, nervously walking out of Finlay's room and instantly having what felt like a 100 pairs of sympathetic eyes all on me. It was truly terrifying to be witnessing just how many people would be involved in Finlay's
care. I tried to hold myself together but once they introduced Finlay like this "Finlay, 18month old newly diagnosed Hepatoblastoma, stage four, numerous pulmonary mets on his lungs. Ct scan showed... (Some ridiculous big words) bloods blah blah blah. Biopsy ladidadida, I could no longer keep it together, tears streamed down my face, I had no idea how it was possible I could find myself in this crazy situation, was it really happening. I don't remember much that was said I just know I wanted / needed to get get away from those sympathetic eyes and get back to my baby, my mind taking me back to a time when everything was normal and Finlay was happy and healthy!
I have since become very used to 'clown day' after all there have not been too many Thursday's we have not in been inpatients since diagnoses! I've found the grand round quite interesting in my experience and I feel reassured that I have seen with my own two eyes that everyone has heard what is to be happening with Finn. I've heard from other parents on ward that they find the round frustrating and a waste of time.
I'm sure there will be many more 'clown days' for us to come. I'm sure around the time of Finlay's surgery the 'grand round' will become particularly useful and interesting.
Thanks for reading!